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  The Chatter Box : Blathering On
Messages 1 2 

4 Weddings and a funeral part 1 by arty_farty on 16 January 2007 11:58pm
this shameless parody was written by arty and heather. enjoy folks ;)

Arty and Heather had slept in too long, they had agreed to be Sophie’s bridesmaids months ago but typically Arty had forgotten to set the alarm clock.

Heather poked Arty as hard as possible. Somewhere where it would hurt. Arty sat up and scowled. "What?" "Weren't we supposed to be ready an hour ago?" "For?" "Sophie's wedding, you daft plum." "Crap!" The two girls dashed to the closet and fumbled for their dresses.

Thankfully Mike had slept in too so while they hurriedly put their dresses on, he was driving over to pick them up.
“this wasn’t my fault, Sophie should of had her hen night earlier. Thank god Mike came along last night, at least he doesn’t have a bitch of a hangover” arty said while trying to zip up her dress and take a Paracetamol at the same time.

"Stop talking and fix your hair," Heather snapped, then muttered to herself "God, I hope he's there." "Aaaaaaah," Arty teased. "Ickle Mikey Palin."

' how long have you fancied him for? jeeze, of course he's coming that’s why the weddings at a church, not a registry office' Arty pulled a face at Heather 'did he say that John was coming too?'
Heather did a little jump in front of the mirror and giggled. "He always looks so good dressed up..." Arty rolled her eyes. "And yes, he IS coming."
'good, I was a bit off with him at that talk. I just wanted to apologize to him' a loud buzzing sound filled the room and Arty nearly fell over trying to get the buzzer
‘are you two fine ladies ready yet? ' said Mike from outside 'nearly Mike, I’ll put my shoes on in the car. catch' Arty opened the window and chucked them at him
The heel of one shoe barely missed Mike's forehead. "Watch where you throw those, would you?" he called. Once they were pulling out of Arty's driveway, Heather put a hand over her eyes. "It's not even me own wedding and I'm nervous." Mike laughed. "Just stand there and look pretty."

Thankfully they arrived during the middle of the second hymn , Sophie looked a mixture of annoyed and relived “honestly you two, will you be late to your own weddings as well?” she hissed as the hymn ended . “not very likely” muttered Arty “this is my 3rd time as a bridesmaid” Heather kicked Arty “shhhh, Rev Trekker wants to start”
“we are gathered here in the presence of God to join Sophie and Thomas in holy wedlock”

The ceremony went off without a hitch. Sophie and Thomas walked down the aisle arm in arm out the church doors. As they left, Heather couldn't help but notice that Arty looked slightly envious of the happy couple. Heather looked at her friend out of the corner of her eye. "Jealous, my dear?" she mouthed. Arty looked embarrassed. "A bit."

Later, at the reception Arty was standing by a pillar with a silk cut and a glass of champagne watching Heather and Michael slow dancing. Someone put their arms around her from behind 'Great boobies hunny-bun'. it was John. 'you always say that, pervert' replied Arty 'why don't you ask me to dance?'

"Hmm, why don't I?" said John, amused. "For a start, you're standing here smoking and there are children around, which leads me to believe you prefer to be a wallflower..." "Come on, shut up and ask me." "Right. Put out the fag. That's better. Shall we?" He took Arty's hand and led her out onto the floor.

Heather winked at Arty from Michael's shoulder and mouthed 'go for it'. 'so, any plans for after the reception Arty?' 'apart from getting out of this dress and watching TV with a Bacardi bottle, not much' 'hmm, i could help you out of the dress' said john fiddling with the tag on her zip.
Heather had to restrain herself from laughing out loud at how much John flirted with Arty, so she rested her chin on Michael's shoulder and closed her eyes. He rubbed her back with one hand as they moved, shivering a little when he rested it on her bare skin.

After a few more dances Sophie gathered all the women up so she could toss the bouquet. the flowers flew into the air and got caught by Heather who went bright red and grinned at Arty like a lunatic.
She held on to the bouquet for a minute or so before giving it back to Sophie, during which time Michael walked over to her and whispered, "You'd look lovely in white." Heather's face turned a deeper shade of red.

Everyone pilled out of the hall to wave the happy couple goodbye. Heather and Michael were busy talking so Arty decided to look for a ride home, Mike had drunk too much and was getting a taxi and John... well John was standing by his car holding the keys. 'need a lift?'
Arty nodded and went to join John next to his dirty Rolls-Royce
Re: 4 Weddings and a funeral part 1 by tucsonmike on 17 January 2007 3:04am
This gave me a great laugh! Time to add my version of it.

Mike was sleeping where he was staying nearby. He woke up with a start. "Oh man, I have to pick the ladies up!" He got dressed carefully, pulling the cowboy boots on and putting the new hat on. He suddenly started to strap "oh no, how in the world did I get my Glock 9 into the United Kingdom?!" I have no business having it with me. I cannot just leave it on the dresser. While the safety catch is on, it is loaded. It will just have to be strapped under my leather jacket and I better not be stopped by the Nottingham Constabulary.

Well, if Mike was not awake before by golly he is now!! Luckily he has driven in England before, so driving on the other side does not faze him.

He gets in the car and heads over to get Heather and Lucy. He has enough class not to pull on Onslow and honk upon arrival.

He rings the doorbell. Heather and Lucy fall all over each other half dressed answering the door. Mike does not even react. "I reckon y'all are still getting ready. Might be a good idea to get back inside before some pensioner decides y'all are acting indecent and calls the cops.
Lucy sees the bulge under the leather jacket and thinks she is Mae West. "Is that a pistol in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?" Mike turns every shade of red and says, "Y'all just keep calm when I open my jacket." He pulls it back to expose the Glock 9. Lucy hates guns and screams, proceeding to throw a high heeled shoe just past Mikes head. Well the neighborhood is awake now. Mrs. Bucket across the street goes to see what the ruckus is and decides to come across the street to admonish us.

Mike hustles back to the car. Y'all don't need to be scared. You just need to stand there and look pretty.

The ladies get dressed as Mrs. Bucket saunters up to the house and yells at the closed door. Mike doesn't want HER seeing the Glock 9.

The ladies slam past Mrs. Bucket and get in the car.

Mike begs them not to hit him as her is driving.

We get to the church and thank goodness John is there for me to share war stories with LOL!

The wedding went great, but now I gotta go see story about railroad museum.
Re: 4 Weddings and a funeral part 1 by fairygirl48 on 17 January 2007 4:40am
Thanks, Mike. And we're not done with it yet ;) Nice writing, my friend!
Re: 4 Weddings and a funeral part 1 by tucsonmike on 17 January 2007 5:32am
Thank you darlin' but y'all started in and are doing a stellar job. (Yerbie)! Can't you see I am typing? Oh I forgot he wants to join in the fun.
Re: 4 Weddings and a funeral part 1 by arty_farty on 17 January 2007 10:07am
glad to see you and yerbie liked it. :D
Re: 4 Weddings and a funeral part 1 by johnnythemonkey on 17 January 2007 11:37am
You are all bloody mad!
When's the next instalment?
Re: 4 Weddings and a funeral part 1 by Lounge Trekker on 17 January 2007 1:01pm
Amazing crew!

Lounge Sleeper
Re: 4 Weddings and a funeral part 1 by peripatetically on 17 January 2007 1:08pm
HAHAHAHA, Very enjoyable, guys.
Re: 4 Weddings and a funeral part 1 by andrea34 on 17 January 2007 8:54pm
Great craic! laughed my head off!
Re: 4 Weddings and a funeral part 1 by kazzzz on 17 January 2007 10:41pm
Can't wait to read about the next wedding!
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