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  The Chatter Box : Blathering On
Messages 1 2 

Sometimes I shouldn't be so curious by perfectbitch on 9 December 2009 7:10pm
Well folks, I've thoroughly depressed and frightened myself because I thought it would be reassuring to research exactly what was in store for me with the chemo and radiotherapy. I hadn't been bothered that much but I got the start date today (Jan 4th) and I am terrified that I won't be able to tolerate it. My emotions are all over the place - one minute I'm fine and dandy and the next, I'm crying. I'm so fed up and am really missing Nick. I know I have my lovely girls but I don't want to worry them and I have my wonderful friends but it's just not the same as having the support of my soul mate.

Sorry for being so down but I just had to get this off my chest. I really shouldn't feel sorry for myself - I know - I'm focusing as much as I can on the forthcoming grandchild which works for a while.

Oh - take no notice.

Re: Sometimes I shouldn't be so curious by TERRY S on 9 December 2009 7:23pm
You have nothing to be sorry for. If you feel better crying, then do it. And there's no shame in being scared, either.I don't know how to make you feel better, but here is a hug for you:

Come here!


Love and kisses,

There, hope that helped!
Re: Sometimes I shouldn't be so curious by Loretto on 9 December 2009 8:04pm
I worked with a woman who underwent Chemo and Radiation for Colon cancer, she made it through. Not to dimminish the fear that you are feeling, but hopefully to cheer you, she told me that watching comedies, old funny movies and keeping busy helped. She worked all the way through it for 6 months, missing only 8 days in total from work. Hope this helps and if thoughts could become reality, you would be in no need of either treatments right now. Don't know you, but am thinking of you at this time.
Re: Sometimes I shouldn't be so curious by tucsonmike on 9 December 2009 8:14pm
Hey Linz. You had to get it off your chest.
Hang in there...
Re: Sometimes I shouldn't be so curious by Lounge Trekker on 9 December 2009 9:41pm
There is nothing for you to be sorry about Linz. Know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. Be strong through this...you are in the best trained hands who will do thier utmost to get your health back on track.

Re: Sometimes I shouldn't be so curious by kazzzz on 9 December 2009 10:12pm
Linz I'm glad you shared this with us, just shows what this site means to you and to us all. And I agree with Terry, have a good cry and don't hold it back. We're all with you on this one, you hang in there girl and keep thinking about that little bundle that's on the way :)
K xxx
Re: Sometimes I shouldn't be so curious by peripatetically on 10 December 2009 12:29am
Linz, I know it must be frighteneing for you right now. When I get so desperately upset or scared or sad, I pray a lot more. It really helps and I gain strength and trust. I don't know if you are spiritual but if you are, turn to whatever it is that helps you through dire times like these. We are also here for you. And Kaz and the others are right in all they say too. Stay busy even if you aren't in the mood and concentrate on happy things and the new baby-to-be.
Re: Sometimes I shouldn't be so curious by mrsteabag on 10 December 2009 1:52am
Linz, heck, yeah you're scared! Cry, get it out, and know we're holding you in our hearts. My favorite prayer (if you go that route):
the light of God surrounds me
the love of God enfolds me
the power of God protects me
the presence of God is with me.
Wherever I am, God is, and all is well...Unity Prayer of Protection.
I also teach an exercise in my journaling classes where the students put pen to paper and just let it rip. It's another good way to get it out. (HUGS) and Orion sends kisses.
Re: Sometimes I shouldn't be so curious by Spursfan on 10 December 2009 8:11am
Well there's nothing I can add Linz except to say I agree with everything everyone has said, and to send you lots of hugs.

And by the way congratulations on bundle of joy that's expected! Are you knitting madly? Perhaps that would help keep your mind off things?
Re: Sometimes I shouldn't be so curious by perfectbitch on 10 December 2009 8:21am
Sorry for offloading like that - I spoke to my Macmillan nurse and she has put my mind at rest and 'told me off' for surfing the net for info that is out of date and uninformed. She's right of course as the medics have told me that with this treatment, my chances for 5 year survival increase from less than 50% to more than 80%. She has arranged for me to have counselling during the treatment which I will accept with gratitude.

While I'm here, I have to heap so much praise for the Queen Charlotte and Chelsea hospital - a separate unit specialising in gynae and obstetrics. The treatment I am receiving is second to none and they are the leading light in the treatment of vulval cancer. It's a sobering thought that, were I in another country, I would not be able to afford such excellent care - surgery, drugs, therapy, counselling, transport (daily trips there would cost more than I can afford as I would find it hard to use the bus - sitting down will become difficult. Despite all the horror stories, the NHS can be wonderful and when I am working again, I would be glad to pay a little more tax.

I feel much better today and am even looking forward to Christmas which is unusual in an old Scrooge like me.

Thank you all so much - this site is really something - sometimes fun and trivial but also very supportive for each other. I am so grateful to have stumbled across here - nearly 5 years ago now.

Love to you all.

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