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THE CHATTER BOX

 
  
  
  The Chatter Box : Blathering On
  
  
  
 
PARTISAN Backstabbings afoot in the corridors of power.. by bIG bLOGGER on 1 September 2008 4:05pm
 
(by our political undercover reporter in the UK: "ear to the ground")
The speaker is shown in Capitals:

ALISTAIR DARLING:"It's only fair I blurt out that voters are pretty p*ssed off with us in Government at the moment.."
GORDON BROWN:"Oh My God!;I wish my Scottish friend hadn't uttered that in public.I'll ring him up right away and give him a good old Scottish b*llocking"
ED BALLS:"I've been saying the same for months,ministers just spout b*lls like mechanical robots and hope nobody notices what r*bbish they've said"
ALISTAIR DARLING:"Oh Dear,I hope my friend Ed isn't saying I'm a robot? I'll ring him up right away,and tell him I'm politely p*ssed off with him for saying that"
GEORGE GALLOWAY:"What a bl**dy bunch of bickering Tweedledums and Tweedledees!! I'm a true Scottish Independent M.P. with Respect for everyone,so you never hear me p*ssing anybody off"
GORDON BROWN:"Well,that's rich coming from my much-respected Scottish friend and craven Saddam Hussein lickspittle. He's insulting us with his usual celtic c*dswallop and jingoistic j*bberish".Aye,I know we're all friends ,but I'll ring him up right away and tear a strip off him.What a c*cky cretin he is,bl**dy Labour turncoat"
JOHN PRESCOTT:"BL**DY 'ELL,-I shall 'ave ta knock all their 'eads together if this 'effing malarkey carries on...'sides,I've always wanted to punch that arrogant Alistair's lights out or shove a turnip up his *rse..maybe my chance has come"
ALISTAIR DARLING: "Chr*st! John Prescott is a callow cad,and is a liability New Labour can no longer afford.He's doing serious damage to the Party with his loose tongue. We need a tough leader who will not spare the rod when it comes to disciplining off-message mavericks like that t*sspot Prescott"
IAN GIBSON (Veteran Labour Left-Winger):"Alistair Darling is talking like a dopey d*ckhead.Words like 'p*ssed off' and 't*sspot' are the gutter language of the pub,not what you expect to hear from a professional Cabinet Minister. Alistair Darling HAS TO GO!!! ..I mean...LOVE A DUCK!!

GEORGE OSBORNE(Tory Shadow Chancellor):
"Great Scot! Good Heavens! Darling has finally let the Westminster cat out of the bag.Truly,they have a dysfunctional Captain at the helm,a ship listing seriously to starboard,and mutiny among a motley crew of grovelling lip-synching guttersnipes.What a shower! God speed the Wondrous Day when WE get back into power....(cries of 'Hurrah' from assorted Tory M.P.'s...)



 
Re: PARTISAN Backstabbings afoot in the corridors of power.. by geordiegirl on 1 September 2008 4:17pm
 
Yes, you may have caught the flavour of the No.10-No.11 exchange there, bB.

Poor Alistair Darling. He never (for 11 years anyway) gives interviews - he gives a 'personal profile' one to a sympathetic journalist from 'The Guardian' - I read it all - he makes one unguarded comment about the economy - and people took it a little bit out of context anyway - and Tories break loose. Mandy Rice-Davies: Well they would, Wouldn't they? - but AD will have been given a grilling & a talking-to by the Labour press advisers (OK, spin people) and told to refuse any more interviews.
 
Re: PARTISAN Backstabbings afoot in the corridors of power.. by bIG bLOGGER on 25 September 2008 3:45pm
 
geordiegirl:Welcome back into the fold again;hope you enjoyed your sojourn in Hungary.
Yes,I read the full interview by GUARDIAN reporter,Decca Aitkenhead,who visited Alistair Darling and his wife's crofter's cottage on the Island of Lewis,Scotland. Alistair obviously was at home here,relaxed,and confidently speaking his mind on the situation as he then saw it.
But reaction from Gordon Brown was swift. His Chancellor,Alistair Darling was ordered to give a second interview,this time for TV,for purposes of 'damage limitation',by not referring to Britain in isolation, but by putting Britain and her economic woes into a wider WORLD perspective.
Thus a TV crew from BBC Scotland was hastily summoned to go straight to Mr.Darling's Edinburgh home to do the interview.
The BBC's Political Editor for BBC Scotland,Brian Taylor,asked Mr.Darling several pertinent questions,including the following:--
1) Isn't it the job of the Opposition Leader to question the Government's handling of the economy?
2) Shouldn't you be REASSURING the people,rather than saying it's the "worst for 60 years"?
3) Do you regret blurting out the truth,in such a frank way?
4) Won't your upfront admission make things worse,Chancellor,for example,cause consternation in the financial markets?

EACH time,after each one of these probing questions,Chancellor Darling repeated in parrot-fashion,the same robotically prepared mantra:--
(..zzz...snoooze..)
"...It's important I tell people that Britain,like every country across the world,faces a credit crunch,rising oil and food prices and inflation,causing an imbalance in the economy. It's important we do everything possible to help people and help the economy through this difficult time..."

...which is hardly the same script as his informal remarks to the GUARDIAN's Decca Aitkenhead on the Isle of Lewis.

Aren't politicians marvellous?

 
Re: PARTISAN Backstabbings afoot in the corridors of power.. by bIG bLOGGER on 27 September 2008 2:48pm
 
Critics have called Gordon Brown's previous speeches "dull" and "leaden" and "boring",which must be a bit disheartening for him,but,having given his keynote address at the Labour Party Annual Conference in Manchester,this week,it was much the same thing--his supporters called his speech "excellent",and his detractors called it "dull",even "dishonest".
So,I was wondering if he could somehow spice things up a bit;perhaps he could have given the speech in the 'Cockney' lingo,in which case it might have sounded something like this:

"..Well,'ello! I'm your trusted Leader,your Big Stand at Ease. I'm the Prime Minister of England and Scotland,so I won't mention Alex Salmond,that old nationalist knave,and there won't be any Loch Lomond or Roamin' In The Gloamin' today,thank you very much.
Let me say,you're all my chinas 'ere,and good luck to you all. Let me tell you it straight and neat,you're all teaplates..you're my teaplates,and you're teaplates of the Great Neighbour Party of Great Britain,I can't say it fairer than that,tit for tat.
Well,blimey,we're 'avin' a bloomin' good conference 'ere,aren't we just? Fair and Just,that's my buzzword this conference,how about that,geezer?
Fairness:our car-rallying cry! Justness:well-just about. We're the Party of Fair-and-Just, Boom-and-Bust,except lately there's been too much bust and not enough boom.Boom,Boom,shake the room! But as your leader,I say to you don't shoot the dee-jay to spite the record; don't kill the messenger just 'cause the message is sorry. Trust your tea leaves,shake the tree and watch grannies fall to the ground,safe and sound.
Remember,Conference,I am your trusted Leader,your rock of stability,your senior squire of sound proven ability. I was your Chancellor for 10 years,get in the pig's ears,hide your fears. I'm a Steely Dan for these times,yours and mines,we'll all come out fine,you betcha'.
I am your experienced Leader,so a word on Apprenticeships. There ain't nothin' wrong with Learnin'--we all gotta learn the ropes some time,even His Holiness the Pope. But this is no time for a Frank Skinner,I mean like that David Cameron,or even worse that David Miliband,the traitor,the toady..he makes my blood boil the obsequious little globe-eyed geek. Nah',I tell you,I am the Scottish bloke for all seasons. And we 'ave a bunchful of opportunities all stacked up for us; our luck is soarin' sky-high ever since we fixed the roof whilst the lucky ol' currant bun was shining. If it goes Tom n' Janin' we can sit back and Gordon it thru' the skylight,ain't it nice to say that.
Now,I don't want to mention my predecessor,so I won't--but MY leadership is one of no soundbites,no obsession with good P.R.--all I want is transparency,and it's in our natural New Labour genes,you can see right through us and our policies,we're that bloomin' transparent,gor' blimey!

Listen,I don't wanna bore the pants off you today,dear delegates. My unwavering focus is to give the folks of this proud country no ifs,no buts,no whatevers,no small print,I mean for focus' sakes I'm takin' this country on the ride of its life through very challenging economic circumstances to build a fairer society and just bring the society of the future into nearer focus. We'll remutualise the Building Societies,since our Dead Ends the Conservatives went and caused such a cock-up with 'em being demutualised and all...Well,'nuff said.
Let me hear it from the floor,I am your proud Genghis Khan,your Topsail and your Mainsail,a Masthead for the fine detail; I'm not a duplicitous Uncle Bert salesman like someone I won't name.I'm the man to steer Britain through choppy seas,through crisis after hard-won crisis,because I know that winning is the only way we succeed and the way to deal with tough times is to stare 'em full in the Boat,keep your hands firm on the Jimmy,stay true to your tea-leaves,loyal to your Party,and don't ever go bunkin' off like a wobbling jelly,you know,like that Ruth Kelly....."

GORDON BROWN,P.M. spoke for a full 53 minutes and received a rapturous 5-minute standing ovation.

 
Re: PARTISAN Backstabbings afoot in the corridors of power.. by geordiegirl on 30 September 2008 2:16pm
 
How long did Big Blogger take to write a cod speech, then? (Gordon will have hax teams, labouring weeks.)
Sarah B. seems to have been a big success with her dignified - and limited - intro.

Writing this on 30 Sept as banks crash all around us (and it's no joke) I was wondering (in a trying-to-be-non-partisan way) if there were an election today, Labour would get back in - hang-onto-nurse-for-fear-of-something-worse: hapopened in '92 with John Major, after all.
 



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