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THE CHATTER BOX

 
  
  
  The Chatter Box : Blathering On
  
  
  
 
Messages 1 2 

***In Her Memory*** by bandgeek512 on 18 November 2005 6:02am
 
I sit here tonight unable to sleep. Today marks seven months to very day upon which my life changed forever. It was not a normal day to begin with, but it was still like nothing I ever could have expected. Being a teenager still, my emotions do not quite know how to handle such events; I think the following month was the most repressed and painful time I have ever weathered through.

At this point, you’re undoubtedly wondering what I am talking about. It has nothing to do with medical conditions of my own, nor does it have to do with anything really pertaining to me. Seven months ago, a seventeen-year-old’s life was abruptly ended by what can only be described as a complete travesty.

From the descriptions of that day from police officers and witnesses, I feel as if I can play out the afternoon in my head. In fact, I find my nightmares replaying this day over and over, haunting my very existence. The day was April 18th. She was in her car; it was a normal day. A job application was what brought her out to the highway that day. She needed to turn it in. A new, exciting experience was on the horizon! Kelley was so ready for a change.

She slowed her car as traffic in front of her stopped. However, the man behind her did not. His car hit hers. Traffic halted as the rear-ending took place. This was no ordinary, run-of-the-mill accident, however. At impact, Kelley’s neck snapped, killing her instantly. Minutes later, her car burst into flames, making retrieving her body an impossibility. Kelley Aline Halpern’s life was ended that day.

It’s a day I’ll never forget…

Kelley and I had been friends since we were little three-year-olds in daycare together. Our childhood was rarely remembered without one another in the reminiscence. We grew up together; we headed up to the youth group at church; we saw our first days of middle school…Our lives were spent regaling each other with everything that was done when the other was not around.

Around the age of 14, sadly, we began to experience troubles in getting along: new friends began making entrances in our lives, and the relationship started to strain. After painful arguments and spiteful words, Kelley and I parted ways, never to speak to each other again.

I never spoke to her again. That is, until I stood in front of her ashes at her funeral. I remember standing in a crowded chapel, yet still feeling like I was the only person left on the planet. I felt so alone. People walked past me, carrying on with their lives. My eyes traveled lower as I fixed my gaze away from her picture in front of me; on a small table by the picture of Kelley were her favorite books, CDs, and her diary. I read every book on that table with her. She would act out her favorite dialogue sections with me and I would mock her attempts at accents. Her CDs would be strewn about her room by me because I just couldn’t find one thing I wanted to listen to. The diary she carried around with her was poked and scratched by my pencil one day as she and I playfully pushed each other around.

Now that I try to recall the day in which I was informed of her death, I find that I don’t remember much of it. I spent most of it in the hospital from a “panic attack” I had that morning. As I rested in my bed from the tiring day of medical tests, I remember my mom coming in and giving me the heart-wrenching news—My best friend was gone. That night was spent sleepless and nauseated. It felt as if my heart had been removed, replaced by some cold, steel object. It was heavy and uncomfortable.

The month after that is a blur. My birthday occurred during that time, but it meant naught to me. It was just growing another year older without Kelley.

But, this story is not all tears and sadness. No, I believe I shall see my best friend again, and we shall speak to each other as if parting never happened. Through all of this, I’ve had the help of some unbelievable friends, who were, I think, being influenced by Kelley. Somehow, someway, they were given the words to speak to comfort me by God on behalf of Kelley. I can see no other way because Kelley is the only person who could say such things in so little words, yet mean the entire world to me. My parents have helped me by gathering pictures and items from our childhood we spent together. Some would think this would cause pain; on the contrary, this brings comfort to me. I remember the exact moment we spent together, and am happy because I can feel her with me again.

Tonight, I’m not as content as I have been in days past. I think that after such a long time has gone by, her absence is finally becoming real to me. It’s not a dream or a story that’s being played out; it’s reality, occurring right in front of my eyes, and there’s nothing I can do to stop or alter it. She’s been gone for seven months. Guilt I feel for never having said goodbye or apologizing for being foolish still wells up inside me. In my miniscule human mind, it’s difficult to let go of this and not find fault within myself for it.

Sleep eludes me on another night of the 17th day of a month since April. I have not been able to sleep on these nights since she died. The reason is unknown to me, but I perhaps I shall overcome it. These are the times in which I am thankful for the friends I’ve got; these are the times in which I go to all my friends and hug them, making sure they know how important they are to me.

I’ve learned to not let the little things part friends, for you never know what may happen. Death might not occur, but something might. My friends are far too important to be spared on some trivial issue. If you are reading this today and have a friend in which you’ve parted with for any reason at all, I urge you to call them up or send them an email. Tell them that you’ve been thinking of them. It’s always nice to know that you’re on somebody’s mind.

Thank you, Palin fans.

Tonight, at midnight my time, I dedicate this thread in the honor of Miss Kelley Aline Halpern: She will never be forgotten.


Here are some links if you’d like to see some news reports.

http://www.accessnorthga.com/news/hall/newfullstory.asp?ID=91516

http://www.berkmar.com/media/gdp20apr05_2.htm

I cannot find the report I read on the internet. It was the first real account I was able to have at the time. If I can find it, I’ll post it.
 
Re: ***In Her Memory*** by tucsonmike on 18 November 2005 6:20am
 
I feel for you. I can't even begin to imagine...
 
Re: ***In Her Memory*** by tucsonmike on 18 November 2005 6:27am
 
I thought about it more. Before I go to bed...May I share this with some folks I know?
 
Re: ***In Her Memory*** by perfectbitch on 18 November 2005 11:52am
 
Grief hits us in different ways and we all react differently. As this is such a taboo subject, it is rarely discussed and so behavioural role models are thin on the ground. You have certainly been through the mill in recent times and this grief for your friend will take time to get used to. I lost my best friend to a car accident while I was pregnant with my 2nd daughter. She left her 3 month old daughter behind and I was mortified. There was this almost overwhelming sensation of a hole in the region of my solar plexus. The hole is still there but I have grown around it so it has become relatively smaller.

7 months is very early days and most advice says that it takes about 2 years to go through the process of grief. I battle each morning to overcome that sensation since my husband died 16 months ago. It does get a little easier each day and I take heart from his words, "Don't dwell on it." However, sometimes it is theraputic to wallow a bit as long as you can let it go afterwards and get on with your own life. Those who have passed on would not wish we who remain to be hamstrung by grief.

Any words in this situation sound trite and empty. Keep your chin up and focus on happy memories. Linz.
 
Re: ***In Her Memory*** by suzulu on 18 November 2005 12:37pm
 
I feel for you, Layne. Like you and Linz, I lost my best friend four years ago - it was all such a shock. It leaves such a hole in one's life.

Although she will never be forgotten, it gets easier as time goes by.

I echo Linz's words - cherish the happy memories, Layne. Sue
 
Re: ***In Her Memory*** by Ken Dunn on 18 November 2005 2:09pm
 
The cause of the accident was tailgating and driving to close. I had a near miss in exactly the same situation some years ago on the M6 northbound. I was able to stop and the driver behind me was able to stop but he was rammed from behind by someone else and there was and even louder impact further back when I was out of the car. Drivers should refresh their Highway Code regularly.
I am sorry about the death of your friend.
 
Re: ***In Her Memory*** by bandgeek512 on 18 November 2005 5:02pm
 
Feel free to share, Mike.

I'm home from school because sleep just didn't come to me last night. It finally showed up around 4 AM.

Thanks for all the comments. I really appreciate them. Knowing that there's commong ground with this makes me feel so much better. It's a relief to know that my grieving is normal and that it's okay that I'm feeling like this.
 
Re: ***In Her Memory*** by bruey on 18 November 2005 5:14pm
 
I am so sorry about the loss of your friend. If I thought it would do any good, I would give you a big hug and that would turn into a cuddle. I really don't know what else to say, apart quote the last line of a poem
"Do no stand at my grave and weep, I am not there, I did not die", I think what I am trying to say is that she is with you in spirit and with be you always.
Bruce
 
Re: ***In Her Memory*** by jaime on 19 November 2005 12:01am
 
.
 
Re: ***In Her Memory*** by canaveralgumby on 19 November 2005 12:31am
 
Layne, you are obviously a good friend to Kelley and for that she is very fortunate. I write in the present tense on purpose.

I felt exactly what Linz describes. When my loved ones had to leave their bodies and leave me here, it felt JUST like an amputation. But the feeling went away.
 
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