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THE CHATTER BOX

 
  
  
  The Chatter Box : Blathering On
  
  
  
 
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Re: palinstravels Big Green Joke Book by Ken Dunn on 16 October 2017 3:25pm
 
I told the above joke to my physiotherapist today and she told me one.

Why are mountains not funny?

Because they are hillarious!
 
Re: palinstravels Big Green Joke Book by suzulu on 16 November 2017 1:53am
 
A guy walks into the doctor's office. A banana stuck in one of his ears, a cucumber in the other ear, and a carrot stuck in one nostril. The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?" The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly."
 
Re: palinstravels Big Green Joke Book by Lounge Trekker on 6 December 2017 6:39am
 
Obama vs Trump


Donald Trump and Barack Obama ended up at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn nasty. As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave.

But Donald was quick to stop him, jokingly saying, "No thanks. My wife, Melania, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel."

The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama?"

Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife Michelle doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like."
 
Re: palinstravels Big Green Joke Book by Ken Dunn on 4 January 2018 12:48am
 
I got a small book of Christmas cracker jokes for Christmas and thought I'd share a few so that you can have a groan as well!

What does Santa do with fat elves?
He sends them to an elf farm!

What did the dog get for Christmas?
A mobile bone!

Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?
Because they were too deer!

What's a female elf called?
A shelf!

What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers!

Why are there no jokes about turkey gibblets?
Because the punchlines are offal!

That last one sums up the style of all the other jokes in the book for which I'd like to thank Books By Boxer for the few I've quoted here.

 
Re: palinstravels Big Green Joke Book by Ken Dunn on 5 January 2018 4:45pm
 
This one is new from me today (it wasn't in the book).

Why does Santa and his reindeer never have an accident, flying round the world with the sleigh at the speed of light?

Because he's got plenty of elf and safety!
 
Re: palinstravels Big Green Joke Book by Ken Dunn on 6 January 2018 11:00am
 
I watch quizzes on TV and it sometimes astounds me how some people (especially English ones) do not know some very basic geography of Scotland. A similar scenario exists in the USA where the inhabitants tend to be very parochial. A senior moments book I am reading backs up this lack of geographical knowledge in the USA with this item which is reproduced here verbatim:

Editors are expected to have excellent memories and fact-checking skills - unless they're editing the magazine Business Insurance, which was forced to publish this mea culpa (acknowledgement of error -KD): "The following corrects the errors in the July 17 Geographical Agent and Broker listing: Aberdeen is in Scotland, not Saudi Aabia or England; Antwerp is in Belgium, not Barbados; Baie Mahault is in Guam, not Guadeloupe (I could have let them off with that one -KD); Belfast is in Northern Ireland, not Nigeria; Bogota was listed twice in Colombia (Bogota is in Colombia -KD); Cardiff is in Wales, not Vietnam; Edinburgh is in Scotland, not England; Helsinki is in Finland, not Fiji; Moscow is in Russia, not Qatar, (and) Nilsen Brothers has an office in Norway, not Oman."

See What Are We All Reading ... topic post of the same date for details of the book.
 
Re: palinstravels Big Green Joke Book by Ken Dunn on 11 January 2018 8:07am
 
Did you hear about the baldy man who went about balancing bunny rabbits on his head?

Form a distance they looked like hares!
 
Re: palinstravels Big Green Joke Book by suzulu on 13 January 2018 2:01am
 
An engineer was taking a walk when a frog spoke to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.”

He picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I’ll become your girlfriend.”

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

The frog spoke again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll become your wife.”

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket again, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog said, “What is the matter? I’m a beautiful princess. Why won’t you kiss me?”

The engineer said, “Look, I’m a busy engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend or a wife, but a talking frog, now that’s cool.”

 
Re: palinstravels Big Green Joke Book by Ken Dunn on 13 January 2018 10:39am
 
The president of the United States of America makes me smile (so does suzulu's last joke), albeit indirectly at times. It seems that he may not be visiting the UK for the opening of the new US embassy or Harry and Megan's wedding. Madame Tussaud's waxworks has made a very good lifesize likeness of the man so perhaps they could hire that to use for both days at each event. I said to my wife that if he doesn't get an invite Twitter will be busy - it's probably busy with the topic already.
 
Re: palinstravels Big Green Joke Book by Lounge Trekker on 14 January 2018 6:37pm
 
A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “Ha­­! That’s not going to help,” she said.

“Sure, it does,” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”
 
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