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  The Chatter Box : Blathering On
Messages 1 2 3 

How to be a real Mum? by Spursfan on 16 January 2009 5:06pm
In a week when this was on the news virtually every day:


it was heartwarming but very sad to read of this example on how to be a REAL Mum:

Re: How to be a real Mum? by canaveralgumby on 16 January 2009 6:00pm
I have a perverse an maybe just wrong first reaction to stories of abuse like the one above. That is, people who truly do not want to be parents, who really can't cope, should be able to get abortions on demand. End it before it gets to this.

I just feel horrible for this poor little soul and I hope they "string 'em up" the two of them.
Re: How to be a real Mum? by Spursfan on 16 January 2009 6:32pm
But the 2nd story was heartwarming, wasn't it?

Though I wept at the sadness of it all...and, maybe wrongly, couldn't help thinking why couldn't it have been the other mother?
Re: How to be a real Mum? by Little Gumby on 16 January 2009 8:11pm
I have a 6 month old little boy, and when my husband and I heard of the first story and the case of baby P it made us feel literally sick. He brings nothing but joy, his face lights up when he sees either of us and has the most beautiful laugh. I can't even imagine what these defenceless children must have thought whenever their parents / carers came near them.

It's ashame you can't prevent people from becoming pregnant in the first place when you read of cases like these. Maybe it's still my hormones settling down but I always want to cry whenever I hear of the abuse these short lives must have suffered.
Re: How to be a real Mum? by Spursfan on 16 January 2009 8:36pm
My husband and I have visited our 8-month old Great-granddaughter Bethany today. She is sooo beautiful (like her Great-Nan, do I hear you all saying?!!).

Luckily she has good parents even though they are young (our grand-daughter isn't 18 until April). They have only had one night out since her birth because they want her to learn to know them first. They want to stay in until she is about 2 at least. They love her dearly and are trying their best to do what is right for little Bethany.

Thank goodness.

[Actually I have just thought - if Bethany continues the trend (I was 19, our daughter 18 and our grand-daughter 17) she will be 16 and I will be only 71 when she has our Great-Great-Grandchild!! Lets hope not, eh?!!]

Re: How to be a real Mum? by mrsthing on 17 January 2009 2:42am
Not everyone knows they'll go crazy after a baby is born. I was shocked by the frustration and rage I experienced due to stress and sleep deprivation. I was glad they'd warned me in the hospital, because I didn't believe them until it happened. I learned to just put the baby down and walk away for awhile till I was calmer. I didn't have much of a support system--nobody would babysit my baby more than once (they couldn't take the crying, either), and I had no relatives close enough to come over on short notice.

I won't excuse what those people did to that poor baby. But it has less to do with anything rational and more to do with stress, frustration, isolation, their own experiences of abuse, and a social structure that vilifies abortion-on-demand but does nothing to support women after an unplanned pregnancy.

For some people, it goes deeper than that, and is fueled by pure evil. It's next to impossible to change people like that. They shouldn't be allowed to have children, but involuntary sterilization is unethical and abhorrent. I think the only solution is to try to change the system that keeps failing children so they grow up to be irresponsible and abusive parents.
Re: How to be a real Mum? by Spursfan on 17 January 2009 10:16am
I agree with you Judy and if you show me ONE mother who hasn't felt angry and frustrated at some point with their baby or child then you will be showing me a robot. However most of us, as you say, walk away or something.

You can sort of sympathise with a mother who has lashed out in anger once or something - although at the same time not excusing it - or with a mother who has post natal depression so bad that she is literally mentally ill at that point.

However, some people are just pure evil and shouldn't have kids AT ALL. They have no feelings for them.

Re: How to be a real Mum? by kazzzz on 17 January 2009 12:17pm
Sickening. And the second story is just so very sad.

I can't imagine harming my kids. I don't and have never smacked them and never will.

When I was pregnant with Ava I was assessed for possible post natal depression, apparently it's done to everyone here now. They use all sorts of factors including past medical history and problems and current state of mind. That's a pretty big call, and I suspect largely inaccurate but I guess
they're trying.
Incidentally, I was diagnosed as highly likely to suffer from post natal depression with Ava (never suffered in the past). They couldn't have been more wrong if they tried, I have loved every single minute with her:)
Re: How to be a real Mum? by Spursfan on 17 January 2009 12:38pm

Re: How to be a real Mum? by mrsthing on 17 January 2009 4:31pm
I had a very bad case of PPD that lasted over 2 years. I finally weaned Alexandra and got on antidepressants. I don't know how my husband put up with it--I was virtually non-functional! It was an awful time of life for me, and is part of the reason I never had another baby. (That, and my husband went even crazier than I did.) I couldn't have coped with two, even if the second one had been more "normal". (If you've read, "What to Expect in the First Year", my daughter fit the description of "the highly sensitive baby" to a tee. And she cried so loud I have some permanent hearing loss.)

I love being a mom now--I love having someone I can talk to and do things with.

There really needs to be some sort of well-publicized, non-judgmental social service in place for mothers who are at risk of harming their children--a social service that won't automatically take the baby away and put it in foster care, which isn't always the best solution. Something like the respite care services for people taking care of elderly parents, but for new moms and dads who just need a break and don't have family or friends who can help.
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