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  The Chatter Box : Blathering On
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Why Forgiveness is Important. by tucsonmike on 11 February 2009 7:30pm
I am putting this up as an object lesson. In November, I had a disagreement with a coworker that nearly came to blows.
Well he didn't apologize, and I didn't. Now, he is dead.

I went to the rememberance yesterday at his church. I told people there this. They all laughed and said "If each of us had a nickel for every time we wanted to punch Chuck, we would be wealthy." He was high strung and could get on his high horse every so often.

The moral of the story though is be the bigger person and apologize and move on. It is hard to apologize to the dead.
Re: Why Forgiveness is Important. by mrsthing on 11 February 2009 7:56pm
Very true, Mike. We never know when our last time to speak to someone will be, so we should think carefully before saying something we might regret.

But don't be too hard on yourself. We're human; we lose our tempers; in the luxury of health and life we don't think that the recipient of our momentary anger or impatience may be dead before we can apologize.
Re: Why Forgiveness is Important. by kazzzz on 12 February 2009 12:02am
Oh yes my ex had a huge fight with his brother over a petty matter, on Christmas day several years ago, three days later his brother and wife were killed in a double fatality.
There's no going back.
Re: Why Forgiveness is Important. by peripatetically on 12 February 2009 12:09am
Good lesson, Mike.
Re: Why Forgiveness is Important. by bIG bLOGGER on 12 February 2009 3:26pm
tucsonmike: can you provide us a bit more detail here?
1.What was it he did that upset you/caused your falling out with him?
2.What caused him to die?
3.If he seemed in rude health and no one (including yourself) was expecting him to die,then why go so hard on yourself? We all experience petty disagreements every so often.
Re: Why Forgiveness is Important. by mrsthing on 12 February 2009 8:46pm
The details aren't the point, bIG. Mike wanted us to know that it's important to forgive people and say what needs to be said without procrastinating, because you never know when the chance will pass you by forever.
Re: Why Forgiveness is Important. by Spursfan on 12 February 2009 8:54pm
I think what bb was trying to do Judy was point out to Mike that he couldn't have known what was going to happen. I don't think he necessarily wanted to KNOW the details but to get Mike to go through them and hopefully realise that, whilst unfortunate, it was one of those things.
Re: Why Forgiveness is Important. by tucsonmike on 13 February 2009 1:12pm
I can share the details. Chuck was a very high strung individual. The simple part is I had a phone call disconnect on me. It was my last call of the day, and I logged out.
Suddenly Chuck started screaming at me because the installer called back and I had hung up on him.

We were in each others faces and had to be separated. My coworkers were shocked at my reaction to him. They were just accustomed to his being high strung.
I am an easygoing person, but don't impune my professionalism or integrity.

What killed him? Cancer. He was gone days after he was diagnosed.

To me, I should have apologized, so I could move on. Whether he accepted or not...The point of apologizing and forgiveness I have learned is so YOU can move on.

I grew up around the Russian "Revenge is the sweetest passion," and the Sicilian, "Revenge is a dish best eaten cold." So for me to forgive takes some doing. The me of the past would have found a way to set him up at work.

BB, you have to understand, in Arizona, I was in the right until I got in his face. Here, that is considered a threat. Combination of politically correct and I suspect (may be off base here) a fear of the "Wild West" returning. My reaction genuinely scared my coworkers.
Hope this helps.
Re: Why Forgiveness is Important. by bIG bLOGGER on 13 February 2009 2:31pm
thank you for sharing this in confidence,mike;
also thanks to mrsthing and spursfan,for your points-of-view.

Of course I believe that forgiveness is important. I am a practising Christian adherent,and the Gospel Teaching on this subject is fairly explicit.
It can come down to an inner struggle--the urge towards self-justification and possibly a yearning for revenge or retaliation--versus--the moral imperative to arrive at an early settlement/reconciliation,so that you can forgive the other person and also forgive yourself for any over-hasty reaction,and thus cleanse your soul.

It sounds like you reacted spontaneously in this instance because you say : "Chuck started screaming at me..." --which would have been something hard to just ignore.Reacting coolly I suppose is a matter of self-control derived from practice over time in the art of not rising to the bait.
As to whether Chuck's cancer was exacerbated by his evidently unruly temperament is hard to tell,but I have heard accounts of how highly-strung folks can be more vulnerable to bouts of cancer,so there may well be a link. --bB.
Re: Why Forgiveness is Important. by mrsthing on 13 February 2009 9:49pm
If anything, Mike, this experience will keep you humble and help you if you're faced with a similar situation again. 30 years ago, I told a lie at work in order to save my job--a lie that wound up costing a co-worker his job. He wound up getting a better-paying, less stressful job at the same place, so he was happier, but that didn't change the fact that I did something I consider despicable. But it did teach me to be scrupulously honest! So if you learn a greater measure of self-control from your experience, you're a better person and the world's a better place, in the big picture.
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