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  The Chatter Box : Travel
Tokyo, Japan: Land of the Rising,er, Sun. by fjparsa on 28 January 2004 7:52am
Land of the Rising, er, Sun:

I am in Shibuya near the ‘Love Motels’, a rendezvous point
for the licit and illicit. My guide, a Tokyoite and friend
of my family who has been generous with his time, asks me,
“So what do you think of the erection?”
I look around trying to locate the insane man walking
around with a visible erection. I do not see any walking
dicks so I wonder if my guide is hitting on me. I shrug it
“Uh, not much.” I say.
He looks at me surprised, as if I should have something to
say about erections.
“You don’t care about the erections?” he says.
The jet lag is blurring my eyes so that the neon lights
that permeate Shibuya appear like hovering discs.
“Well sure I care about erections. Why wouldn’t I care
about erections? But its not something I think about all
the time. I mean sure, last year when I moved to New York I
didn’t know that many people, so I would get lonely and,
you know, I would think about erections, so to speak.
Uh,..” I decide to stop rambling.
My guide looks at me and he is squinting, rocking back and
forth on his heels, with his hands in his pockets.
Of course.
“I hope Dean wins but it’s likely Bush will win, but who

Tokyo is a heavy, fecundating dream, falling into its own
electric gravity. And I am smacked out in it's fall
watching the eyes roll over the gaijin (me) as the gaijin's
eyes roll over itself.

“Please don’t buy illegally captured animals as birds or
pets.” As the commercial rolls on during the flight there
are illustrated pictures of fish with vampiric teeth, a
frowning python (do they ever smile?), a toucan that looks
nothing like Toucan Sam, and a leopard who’s blazingly red
eyes shows that it knows what herbs to eat in the forest.
Yet I had to think about part of the above warning: ‘as
birds’. Please don’t buy illegally captured animals as
birds… or pets. How can you buy an animal as a bird if it
is not already? I can see it now, on some small Pacific
Island near New Zealand, a leathery and bent native man
with a sage aura and 3 toucans on his shoulder selling a 20
foot python as a bird.
(Add Phil Hartman’s voice…)
“I sorry, I not know your language, I am a simple islander,
trying to sell my little 20 foot 800 pound slithering
featherless bird to you, a person of the city, of the
future. Your world frightens me so I stay here while you
take my animal as your bird.”

A man drenched in white, sunlit amongst the winter trees
and the dead leaves came up to me today,
“When you’ve only seen the devil, why should you believe in

It appears that I cannot escape discussions on the fetishes
of Japanese business men.
{As a note I would like to add that this is by no means
representative of Japanese men whom I have found to be some
of the smartest and nicest persons on the planet. These
little bits are facts of life for a certain group of men
who live in Tokyo.}
*The “Yellow Cab” company is an agency for big breasted
Asian girls. Japanese men appear to have a fascination
with the buxom blonde but not necessarily the real buxom
blondes. These men are looking for the Japanese buxom
synthesis, a visual synergism of Valhalla and Japan.
*There is a club, actually several clubs, which sells
itself on woman dressed as schoolgirls urinating. They do
it in a glass box while men sit and watch and drink.
*Japanese cel phones are 3 generations ahead of U.S. cel
phones. Not surprising. The majority of the cel phones
have cameras built into the phones. What is surprising is
the volume of the cel phone when it takes a picture. It is
a loud crack, which I embarrassingly found out when I was
playing around with the phone in a graveyard quiet coffee
shop in Aoyama. I tried to discover a way to turn the
sound off but to no avail. Later that evening I was told
why the using the camera option on the phone was so loud.
“A lot of guys were using the cameraphones in the subways
to take ‘beaver’ shots. It became such a problem that the
phone companies were forced to create a cameraphone that
gave a loud sound each time you took a picture. AND, you
can’t turn the sound off.”
*What’s a groper? Simply a man who likes to grab a woman’s
behind or breasts. In Tokyo there are websites and self
published magazines that provide information for gropers.
The information usually provides the best subway lines and
train lines to grope. For many years Japanese woman were
forced to accept groping as a fact of life. Now this is not
always the case. “The subway gets very, very packed. Very
tight. Two months ago, this shit take my ass, like
dinner! I don’t like so I tried to move, but he did it
again. This is when I get Rambo. I pick up my foot and
Yaah! I dig my high heel shoe into space between shin and
foot. You should have heard scream! “

“Sashinoboru asahino gotoku sawayakani
Motama hoshiki wa kokoro nari keri.

As clear and refreshing
As the rising sun-
Thus might it always be
With the human heart!”

-Emperor Meiji-


Re: Tokyo, Japan: Land of the Rising,er, Sun. by cutiepie22 on 29 February 2004 10:32pm
there was so much writing there that i couldnt be bothered to read it-im sure it was great though ;-)
Re: Tokyo, Japan: Land of the Rising,er, Sun. by TwoSheds on 1 March 2004 10:23am
I gave up after the terrible erection joke!

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