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  The Chatter Box : Blathering On
'Dad' by Spursfan on 25 February 2005 1:13pm
Did anyone see the drama 'Dad' last night, starring Richard Briers?

I thought it was excellent, very well written.

It showed both sides of the story, and was very moving too. Not only was there the aspect of RB's wife being in a nursing home and suffering neglect and even minor abuse, there was also the son (Kevin Whately) who is under stress and eventually snaps, attacking his father with his briefcase and immediately regretting it.

My mother was in a nursing home for the last few years of her life, and a lot of the things which were portrayed happened to her in there. Sometimes we would visit, as in the drama, and find that her wardrobe was full of other people's clothes despite her clothes being clearly named. My husband once visited her towards lunchtime to find her still in the dining room waiting to be moved after being their since breakfast. And so it went on. The file of letters complaining to the owners must have been inches thick!

My mum was bright, cheerful, friendly and 'with-it' to the end; she just couldn't see very well or get about - and she still suffered!! Luckily she had a great sense of humour - we had 'Always look on the bright side of life' played at her funeral as she would have enjoyed the joke and it suited her.

I hope that this programme opened people's eyes.

Re: 'Dad' by harvey123 on 25 February 2005 1:18pm
i watched some of the programme but i found it too much emotionally. Ive never had a relative in a care home but it upset me too much to continue to watch it.The elderely are so vunerable-people can be so cruel.Its very sad.
my reaction to it by irishmanufan on 25 February 2005 2:00pm
i agree with harvey i watched some of it but i could'nt watch it all . elder abuse is a serious issue . Dad brought it home to me how bad it can be for some elderly people . it is so sad to hear about what happened to your mother spursfan . there should be no excuse for leaving her in the dinning room all morning or giving her the worng clothes . i know your mom was as bright as a button but many people can;t speak out about what they are going through due to illness . it is sick to treat people badly because of that . i hope this issue will be given the seriousness it deserves .
Re: 'Dad' by thomasmbrooks30 on 25 February 2005 2:22pm
I'm afraid I didn't catch the programme at all (I have no TV signal here), but since my Dad is in the funeral trade, he has seen the standards in SOME nursing and care homes nowadays. Given this, I would have to say that unless it was completely unworkable I would rather take care of my parents at home. That's not to say that there aren't good ones out there, but one thing's for sure, they charge for it... Elderly abuse is thoroughly disgraceful and far too widespread nowadays for my comfort. A change in attitude is all that will change it long-term.
Re: 'Dad' by harvey123 on 25 February 2005 3:31pm
the documentarys on tv which i seen in the past are horrifying also. Even the elderly which remain in there homes but have a carer to visit them doesnt offer them much better standards. Some people make great carers but only the negative sides are shown on the tv. Some of these elderly people can receive as little as 15 minutes. It is so sad to think that in those 15 minutes that is the only time they get to speak to anyone. I once knew someone who worked as a carer and they are extremely pushed to meet there 'workload' they have to travel huge distances in some cases. There needs to be some serious changes towards carers and retirement homes etc. These people need to spend here last days in happiness and dignity and certainley not alone. I am only 23 and when i have children and old i hope my children will do the best for me. And dont even get me started about pensions - ive bought a house in south africa and i planning to buy another and once old i shall live of these by selling. The pension is not worth nothing today.
Re: 'Dad' by Spursfan on 25 February 2005 3:57pm
Unfortunately we were unable to look after my Mom at home - although we had done for the previous 6 years. She had a pituitary tumour and the hospital would only release her to a care/nursing home. Plus I have a chronic autoimmune disease which causes severe fatigue (not M.E.) and muscle weakness which began a couple of years before she was admited so it would have been increasingly difficult for me to look after her needs.

We did our best for her by visiting as often as we could, buying her nice clothes and fighting for her, and other people's, rights with a pen!

We discovered that the Home was taking everyone's bus tokens (which can be used for taxis too) and pooling them for trips, etc. All very well, but what if that person does not want to go on the trips? We wanted to use Mum's to enable her to visit us by taxi if we couldn't get to pick her up for some reason, but we couldn't as the Home had them!

I wrote to the local council explaining what we had discovered, and they changed the policy so that this could not happen again in ANY Home in the County. Ok, One-Nil to us I think, but sadly it happened too late for Mom.

There are still a lot of battles to be fought.

Re: 'Dad' by bsh1878 on 25 February 2005 5:11pm
I didn't watch it. But I have seen a film of the same title with Ted Danson and Jack Lemmon. I found that very distressing as it reminded me of what my Nan was going through at the time. I saw the trailer and found that distressing too. I have had a job working in a care home, so I have seen that side too.
Re: 'Dad' by KateC on 25 February 2005 8:46pm
I saw it, very emotional and well written I thought. I found it a bit upsetting when the son kept attacking the dad and the poor mum in the nursing home. Very good programme though, and well acted

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