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  The Chatter Box : Blathering On
Messages 1 2 3 

Imagine a troll by Wild in Africa on 7 June 2005 12:38pm
I have been trying to picture who these trolls are and this is what comes to mind....
I imagine a darkened loft, a glowing computer screen, Mum down stairs doing the ironing, a palid spotty teenage herbert sitting in the corner tapping away with a dull but manic expression on his face. This poor lost soul has no life, no interests, no girlfriend, he is insanely jealous of those who do.

In between surreptitiously surfing porn, he comes across websites populated by people he can not understand. This includes such sites as Palin's Travels populated by people with lives, partners, activities and interests; people who perhaps have travelled the world and done amazing things or at least have plans and dreams to do so. People with a common admiration for such as Mr Palin who has brought so much of the world into our living rooms.

Our spotty herbert gets wildly jealous. "I hate these people" he screams (though quietly to himself in case his Mum hears and investigates). 'I'm going to ruin their conversations although I know I am too dumb to contribute intelligently'.
So off he goes on his spree of illiterate hatred.

Feel sorry for this poor sad lost soul for his future is bleak, a job in Blockbusters video if he is lucky, more likely stacking shelves in Tesco for the rest of eternity. At last he crawls crossly and tiredly to bed hatching his Gollum like plans for revenge on the next interesting web site he can find, for that is all he has of life and all he can expect.
Re: Imagine a troll by Spursfan on 7 June 2005 12:46pm
Re: Imagine a troll by harvey123 on 7 June 2005 12:53pm
Napolean Dynamite's brother springs to mind ( if you have seen the movie)..that gave me a good laugh WIA

Re: Imagine a troll by perfectbitch on 7 June 2005 1:01pm
Great description WIA. I think he's the spit of Davros the Dalek. I suggest fresh air and Clearasil would help his self image.
Re: Imagine a troll by harvey123 on 7 June 2005 1:06pm
from a dark dimlit bedroom near you comes the troll~picture the scene

a boy sits hunched at a flickering computer screen the curtains drawn an a shaft of light hits his NHS glasses~ he winces as it soft light beams onto his pale skin. For one moment he forgets what its like to feel the sun against his face and laugh amongst his friends..*he sighs* and a small tear forms in the corner of his eye as he remebers what life was once like for him..he brushes it away frantically scared of becoming normal and turns back to the computer screen.

he surfs the web searching whilst he listens to his mum playing with his sister down stairs.. anger wells inside his body and his fingers shake 'why didnt my mother ever love me like my sister' he spits with anger spraying the screen with his putrid wet breath....

who fancies finishing it????....
Re: Imagine a troll by finnguy on 7 June 2005 1:07pm
What's wrong with stacking shelves in Tesco? Someone has to do it.

Be careful with your generalisations, WIA.
Re: Imagine a troll by beccles on 7 June 2005 1:38pm
... then the phone rings, the novelty telephone by his bed with a receiver shaped like an unmentionable part of the male anatomy. The pale boy glances at it, apprehensive. Perhaps it is a salesperson ringing in a desperate attempt to unload a shipload of double glazing to some poor defenceless mug? Perhaps it is his father ringing to say he’ll be late home from work at the local seedy nightclub? Or perhaps, just perhaps the caller is actually an individual from the outside world who has finally noticed his existence? He staggers from his chair; a perfect imprint of his rear end remains embedded in the seat. He stumbles, head bent, his body still arched in its familiar ‘web-surfing’ position, through the numerous tomato-stained pizza boxes, through the piles of trashy comics and magazines that have accumulated in uneven piles across the moth eaten carpet that horrifies his mother to the extent that she dares not enter the room…and finally over the scrunched up lists of the websites that he so passionately detests, the websites filled with people who actually have lives…

He reaches the phone, pale and bony fingers to the receiver and then, slowly, hesitantly, he lifts it to his ear… “Hello I wonder if you’ve heard of our latest offer? We can give you double glazing at prices that….” He throws down the receiver in anguish and emits a long drawn out high pitched shreak, flailing his scrawny trolling arms wildly around... and then slowly he recedes back into the meaningless existence he so pitifully indulges in…
Re: Imagine a troll by Wild in Africa on 7 June 2005 2:03pm
-And what's unmentionable about male anatomy, sexist!
-What a slander on the honesty and integrity of double glazing salesmen; they're only trying to make a living.
-What about Dad struggling hard for his family and who are you to judge whether a nightclub is seedy or just caters for mature male adults dressed in raincoats.
And what about all of those graphic designers who put their hearts and souls into designing those so called 'trashy' comics' . You are really hurting their feelings

And finally, trolls themselves. Don't they have a democratic right to express themselves as they feel fit? This is a free country after all?

I mean really Finnguy lighten up. This is artistic licence and not political correctness gone mad. You'd have censored Shakespeare for portraying a lunatic in an unfavourable light in King Lear!
Re: Imagine a troll by beccles on 7 June 2005 2:24pm
oh dear, i hereby solemnly apologize to all

-manufacturers of very respectable if slightly irreputable comics
-pizza box manufacturers
-telephone manufacturers
-men- although by unmentionable i could have just meant that i had forgotten the word and been talking about something complicated like the corpus callosum:p
-mothers- i had no right to bring them into this
-tomatoes- they are legal entities too
- pale people, who shall from now on be referred to as 'pigmentarily challenged'
- finnuguy for my being so politically incorrect

but not to the double glazing salesman, i do have some standards.
Re: Imagine a troll by finnguy on 7 June 2005 2:55pm
I like to think of myself as being a fairly 'light' individual (both in terms of body-weight and attitude!) - I am sorry WIA and beccles if you took exception to my comments about Tesco shelf-stackers. But, just as all users have the democratic right to post messages here, so I have the democratic right to challenge them if I feel the need to do so.
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