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  The Chatter Box : Blathering On
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Emergency Room :) by kristinekm on 26 June 2005 10:49pm
True Emergency Room Visits

FATTY AND SKINNING------- A slender 45-year-old man from Georgia reported broken ribs after having to literally escape from his 300-pound wife. Apparently, she had accidentally rolled onto him while sleeping, crushing his ribs. Ashamed by her weight problem and what she had done, she refused to let her husband leave he house. But he broke out a few days, whilst she was sleeping and went straight to the hospital.

SUPERMAN TO THE RESCUE----A neighbour of a newly wed couple was worried when she didn't hear her rather noisey neighbours for a while. A few days later, she peered through their letterbox and through the windows. But there was no sign of anyone. Concerned for the young couple, she called the police. The officers promptly broke down the door, then searched the house. Only to find the young women gagged and tied to the bed. Her husband was lying unconscious on the floor, wearing a Superman Outfit. They later explain that they had been engaged in a superhero role-playing fantasy, and the costumed husband had knocked himself out attempting to jump onto his wife from atop the dresser. Of course, the woman was unable to help him!

THE RUNAWAY STRETCHER -------- An elderly woman was been transported to another hospital in an ambulance. The paramedics were quietly talking to her when the ambulance doors suddenly opened while they were journeying up an incline. The stretcher she was strapped to flew out, rolled down the hill at tremendous speed, before tipping over, narrowing missing two cars travelling in the opposite direction.

THE SHOCK OF HIS LIFE------An 18-year-old High School leaver from Birmingham, Alabama was rushed into the ER after he been severely electrocuted. After much hesitance, he later explained that he had been sat at his computer, visiting some "adult" websites. After his "right hand had said hello to his One Eyed Snake", he came, spraying his bodily fluids all over the keyboard and onto the screen, causing the current to pass through his body.

INNER SKELETON----- A 63 year old widow was admitted to the hospital in Recife, Brazil, suffering abdominal pains. X-rays showed that she was carrying a 20 inch long skeleton of a foetus which she conceived a decade earlier. It had become lodged outside the womb and was never expelled from her body.

SOFA GAL----- A 400lb. woman from Illinois was examined in a hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under her armpit and a dime was found under one of her breasts.

PRICKLY PAIR-----OUCH! In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations to his ...... He complained that his wife had "...a rat in her privates..." and it bit him during sex. After an examination of his wife, it was revealed that she had a surgical needle left inside her after a recent hysterectomy.

PING PONG ANYONE?----- A 20 year old man came into the ER with a stony mass in his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend were fooling around with concrete mix, then his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the mix into his anus using a funnel. The concrete then hardened, causing constipation and pain. Under general anaesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man's rectum was removed along with a ping pong ball.

BLIND DRUNK----- A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining of severe pain while trying to remove his contact lenses. He said that they would come out halfway, but they always popped back in. A nurse tried to help using a suction pump, but without success. Finally, a doctor examined him and discovered the man did not have his contact lenses in at all. He had been trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea.

OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH!----- A couple hobbled into a Washington State emergency room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The man had his hands around his abdomen and the woman had hers around her head. They eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out that evening for a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to administer oral sex to the man. While in the act, she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the man's ..... and wrench it from side to side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until she let go.

THE CATS BOLLOCKS------An unconscious 30-year-old man was brought to the ER by ambulance. His girlfriend had found him lying naked on the floor of his bathroom and called 911. In the ER, he was found to have a large lump on the top of his head and, strangely, several scratches on his scrotum. The doctors figured the lump was possibly caused by a fall or a knock to the head. However the source of the scratches remained a mystery until he woke up and provided the doctors with the following explanation. He said he had been cleaning his bathtub while naked, kneeling on the floor beside the tub. His cat, apparently transfixed by the rhythmic swaying of his scrotum, lunged forward, sinking its claws into this pendulous target. This caused the man to rocket upward, striking his head on the top frame of the shower door.
Re: Emergency Room :) by harvey123 on 27 June 2005 8:15am
i think i've just wet myself laughing they were hilarious thanks kristine :-)

Re: Emergency Room :) by Spursfan on 27 June 2005 10:33am
Yes - all very funny except the foetus one (Inner Skeleton) which gave me goosebumps!!

Re: Emergency Room :) by Godfather on 27 June 2005 11:24am

>After his "right hand had said hello to his One Eyed Snake", he came, spraying his bodily fluids all over the keyboard and onto the screen, causing the current to pass through his body.

The sparks were flying more than he'd bargained for,then. Btw, i can understand the keyboard. But the screen TOO?
Re: Emergency Room :) by beccles on 27 June 2005 11:57am
that is seriously freaky stuff! :S
Re: Emergency Room :) by perfectbitch on 27 June 2005 2:04pm
I heard tell of a man in ER with severe lacerations to his genitalia. A nurse asked his wife how these injuries occured and she replied, "It's quite simple love, he got it caught in the hoover!"
Re: Emergency Room :) by Hells Bells on 27 June 2005 2:31pm
Very funny, but I feel sick. Re: Sofa Girl - Being somewhere in the "large department" I could hide the contents of the bank of England under my breasts let alone a dime. Forget the pencil test - WH Smiths is more like it!!! My mum's friend was arrested for handing a coat in to the dry-cleaners with a human finger wrapped inside a tissue in her pocket. She explained that the previous week, they'd been to a chinese restaurant and she thought her chicken in blackbean sauce was rather chewy, so she got her hanky out and spat out the offending morsel, put it away and promptly forgot about it. When the police visited the restaurant, it turned out that the chef lopped his finger off that night but they couldn't find it. Funny enough, she's the same lady, that found out she had a severe reaction to bee stings - when she was on the loo, unbeknown to her, the little furry creature had landed on her knickers just before she pulled them up. She went into shock almost immediately and someone had to climb under the cubicle to get her out (she's fine now thank God).
Re: Emergency Room :) by kristinekm on 27 June 2005 9:39pm
Any one else who want to report me to the police due my humor or my suposedly funny lists?

If not I will continue being as crazy as ever

yours ravingly,
Re: Emergency Room :) by kazzzz on 28 June 2005 8:01am
I like...well apart from the ping pong one ewwwwwwwww!!!!
Re: Emergency Room :) by bsh1878 on 28 June 2005 4:25pm
that troll can go and stuff himself Kristine, they're brilliant and have brightened up a boring day at work, THANK YOU!
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