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  The Chatter Box : Blathering On
Messages 1 2 

I am *sick* of being sick!! by bandgeek512 on 11 January 2006 11:01pm
Okay, I've got to post *something* or I'll go crazy.

I am *sick* of being sick! I'm tired of being tired!! --I'm all those other phrases that people say when they wish something would just stop! If I have one more day where I have to miss school and put my life on hold for a doctor's appointment, I might just have to take a hostage. Waiting in waiting rooms, sitting for hours in a cold doctor's office, having your nerves twisted and tied because you wonder what *this* doctor's going to tell you.

I just want it to stop.

I want to be left alone!

I can't speak like this at school because, honestly, it would freak people out. It would make them worry about me; and, in turn, they would treat me in a different way because I'm "sick".

But I just want all this to stop. I'm on ten different medications for various things--and they've added a *new* one! Asthma prevention medications to keep my asthma under control; allergy meds that knock me out and make me tired; pills and creams for eczema; medication to keep my blood pressure from falling to a dangerous, even fatal, level; and now beta-blockers to control my heart rate.

Will it end?!

God, please make it stop.

As I get ready to stay at a friend's house, we have to pull out the bag of medicine that I have to take with me. I stop what my friend and I are doing to take these pills--which I usually do in private, so as not to bring a lot of attention to it. If I forget a med, I get stressed and drop everything to go back and get it.

Vacations have been put on hold because of health problems.

I think I may even have my own parking space at my local hospital for emergency room visits. One day they'll realize that I need my own ambulance, too. I've been taken from school in an ambulance at least four times. My friends have watched paramedics try to bring me back into consciousness six or seven times--this year alone!

I can only pray that this will end--or that I'll get stronger so I can handle this well.

Make it stop. Make this end. --Or at least keep me from breaking down because of it.

I just had to type this out. I can't do this on my online journal because my friends from school read it. I hope this is just a temporary phase that will pass--maybe this heart thing will go away after I grow up a little. I've been told "Girls your age have this sort of thing all the time"...God, I hope they're right about that.

I usually get over this whole being overwhelmed thing, so don't worry too much about it. Right now, though, my friends here are so valuable to me. Laughter, I think, is keeping me from completely falling apart. But, sitting in the cardiologist today, having him explain a new problem that is probably going to affect me, I just got so upset and so sick of all this. I've got a test I have to get taken on the 23rd, so keep that in your prayers.

I think the drama's over now. You can all get back to your normal routines.
Re: I am *sick* of being sick!! by Sophie-Louise on 11 January 2006 11:25pm
awwwwww layne sweetie :(

i really feel for you. you talk all you want. get it all out if it helps. i can't imagine how you feel but i know what it's like to put your life on hold for an illness.

i had glandular fever for 6 months and i passed out all the time. it was the most depressing time in my life. but that's nothing compared to your illness i know.

i'll say a prayer for you layne and i hope you get through this and at least get the strength to live with it. you post what you like and i'll listen and reply and i'm sure others will too.

maybe you should tell your friends how you feel and it will be easier to deal with? just a thought :)

hugs ((((((((((()))))))))))))))))

sophie xxx
Re: I am *sick* of being sick!! by perfectbitch on 12 January 2006 12:06am
With you in spirit and my thoughts. Ditto to Sophie's words. If ever you want to rant to someone, by all means email me, my details are on vitals. Linz
Re: I am *sick* of being sick!! by suzulu on 12 January 2006 12:36am
I really feel for you Layne, it must be horrible, no wonder you are fed up of it all. I hope the natural doctor will be able to help in some way too.
Re: I am *sick* of being sick!! by risible-phyll on 12 January 2006 2:15am
Layne, we're always here to listen, stay safe...xxx Phyll
Re: I am *sick* of being sick!! by kazzzz on 12 January 2006 2:20am
Layne Im so sorry to hear that you're going thru so much.
A lot of us here have been thru all sorts of trauma and pain and this site's always here to lose yourself in and have a good laugh and to try and escaoe for a little while at least :)

Keep your chin up : We're all here with shoulders to cry on :)
Re: I am *sick* of being sick!! by tucsonmike on 12 January 2006 2:32am
Layne, you know I am thinking of you...
You hang in there. As the others have said, we are here.
Re: I am *sick* of being sick!! by purple on 12 January 2006 4:07am
*cap in hand* You stay strong darl. Everyone else has said it with a lot of truth - you're entitled to feel angry about how things are going but you know we're all here to listen and support you throughout.
*sends cuddles through the modem*
Re: I am *sick* of being sick!! by arty_farty on 12 January 2006 4:54pm
my english teacher told me that i shouldn't tell any one that i'm depressed cause they will get depressed too.
Re: I am *sick* of being sick!! by Sophie-Louise on 12 January 2006 5:12pm
well arty that's a very cold person! don't listen. depression should be talked about. i suffer from it and i'm not ashamed to say.
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